When you're sinking like a stone...

A handful of months ago I had a lot of unfocused hopes for the future. Nothing was set in stone, but I had a fairly realistic plan of what I wanted to do with my life. Some of it was fantastical, but then again so is nearly every plan I have. Then something happened, and I was crushed and aimless.

I deflate easily. Like a balloon you're too cheap to pay to fill with helium at Party-City, and instead decide to expel your hot carbon-dioxide into. I lose sight of where I'm going with only the slightest of provocations. It's part of what makes me such a terrible driver. It's also part of the reason why I am where I am in life right now.

Though the bright part is that I start dreaming really fast too. Two weeks ago I started an internship. A couple of days later my friends asked me to move to Austin (where they will be living in the very near future) when they graduate. Suddenly I'm looking at apartments, and furniture at IKEA. I'm planning to transfer from the company I'm interning at into one of their Texas branches. I'm researching graduate schools in the area, I'm ordering a GRE review book. It takes almost nothing to get me going.

But I like the up-and-downess of my life. In a weird way it keeps me steady. If I didn't get discouraged easily, I'd live perpetually in that land of fantasy I am prone to escaping to. If I didn't get excited easily I'd live in a constant state of melancholia. This way I'm fairly balanced.

Needless to say I am both terribly excited about what might happen while at the same time waiting for someone to kick me in the nads just hard enough to get me to calm down.


(By the way I wrote this in the Blogger app. If it comes out well I might actually be posting more due to the sheer ease of the process.)