Thursday, July 25, 2013

Wake up! Wake up on a Saturday night.

Have you ever read "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin?  If you haven't read it then you must have never taken what was supposed to be an American Literature class that ended up being more about penis theory than literature. If you have read it I'm sorry for divulging into this terrible summary.

So, "The Awakening" is about a woman in the 1800's or something who after living her whole life wanting to marry the right man who can take care of her financially she finds him, marries him and then spends her time wanting things that are still out of her reach. She has a husband and kid she doesn't love and a house too big for them to afford. She finds herself having spent her entire life wanting all of the wrong things.

Eventually she discovers that what she really wants out of life is sex. That's it. She just wants to get pounded, over and over if possible. So she meets a man, has an affair and for minutes is blissfully happy.  She vacations at a home near the sea and one day she walks into the ocean. She doesn't stop to build a sand castle, she doesn't sit in the surf to feel the waves wash over her. Instead she walks into the water lets the water go over her feet, over her calves, her knees, her waist, her shoulders and her head. She finally figured out what would set her free so she made a decision and even though it was ridiculous she followed through with it.

Now you're caught up and I can tell you why I brought this terrible tale into your life. See, I too am having an awakening though not of the sexual kind, that happened in 1998 when I saw my first Britney Spears music video.

My awakening is just about wanting.

I've spent most of my adult life so far having no idea what I want. While everyone else I knew was getting married, starting careers and moving away, I was doing something altogether different.

Like the protagonist of "The Awakening," it's like I've been asleep for 27 years and all of a sudden my eyes have fluttered open and through the blurriness I see the shapes of all of these things that I never realized were something I even wanted, but now are all I can think of. I now realize that the things I want, no matter how numerous or ridiculous are things that I deserve.

So I'm making a promise to myself to go after the things that I want. I'm not going to listen to people who tell me I can't. I'm not going to let myself change my mind. I am going to walk into the water, feel the water enter my airway, feel the sting of raw panic scratch my brain as I begin to realize that there may be no way out. Then just as quickly as it began, I'll surface, turn around back the way I came and lie on the beach, happy knowing that I did what I set out to do.